Can Positive Messages Hurt People?
The simple answer is: Yes.
Anyone that has a social media account has the experience of having their feed inundated with memes, quotes, and inspirational messages. The intent is to portray, a sense of optimism and positivity. But, are these messages really resulting in people feeling better? Not exactly.
Research in Social Psychology shows that positive messages and affirmations make people that feel good feel even better. Someone already feeling good about themselves will feel uplifted by a positive message; someone with good self-esteem will feel even more confident. Positive content will help people that already have a positive view of themselves. But, what is the effect on people that don’t feel good about themselves? Turns out these messages also reinforce negative self-concepts and feelings.
People with depression, anxiety, and many other mental health challenges tend to not feel good about themselves. Depression manufactures negative thoughts about oneself. Anxiety tells people that the world is a dangerous place and they can’t handle it. But these people don’t want to think like that and are not choosing to. These are symptoms, just like fever is a symptom of the flu. No one who experiences depression and anxiety would choose the indescribable suffering that these thoughts produce.
As a result, the person who believes they are worthless or incapable sees the positive messages as reflections of everything that they’re not. They take away the message that some people are capable of getting out of suffering through “positive thinking,” having the “right attitude,” “being grateful,” having a “positive mindset,” “loving yourself",” “not caring what others think,” etc. They see testimonials asserting that everyone who tries these methods has been successful in managing or ending their suffering. Even worse, the purveyors of these methods argue that, if you did not get the promised results it’s because the person practicing them was “not trying hard enough,” “not serious enough,” or “didn’t want it enough.” In other words, if didn’t work, it’s the practitioner’s fault. So the depressed and anxious person usually reaches the conclusion that they are broken. All the negative things that they believe about themselves are seemingly proven true. Can you imagine the level of despair and hopelessness that follows?
This is how positive messages can hurt people. They inspire the confident, the happy, and the people blessed by nature and nurture with the absence of depression, anxiety, and other psychological-biological problems. But, to the ones that were not so lucky, the ones that struggle with mental and psychological-biological disorders, they are mirrors that reflect a view of living in a world in which everyone, except them, has the capacity to overcome adversity and get whatever they want, by willing themselves to do so. These messages are not positive for them. These messages hurt them.
In ending, here’s an acknowledgment of two paradoxical, and reality-based, inspiring facts:
1. The people that live with and survive mental health challenges are the toughest people in the world, yet they often see themselves as weak.
2. Those who are hurt by positive messages are often the very ones who embody real inspiration, simply by surviving their pain each day.
